“I wish I’d known” – 07/10/21

Almost three weeks in the hospital living my never ending hell. Only to talk to you the day I got discharged with an excited tone in my voice. You ate Piada’s on facetime telling me how I should really go in to this next chapter of my life alone. I wish I had known how little you were invested when I was putting in over seven hour drives to come see you. Seven hours in the car driving across states during a pandemic, daydreaming of embracing you. What were you doing? Watching movies and getting high? Part of me wishes we had never crossed that line. Ten years of friendship fades when my “illness” became too much for you to handle. I guess if I’m being fair you always wanted what I couldn’t give you. You wanted someone who looked different than me. Years of porn had skewed your perception of what real women’s bodies look like.